| A Tribute to Nice Girls |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|04:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | here without you - 3 doors down | ] |
hey, this is an email i got from my friend ... thought some of you might enjoy !
A Tribute to Nice Girls
This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared, as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.
This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.
This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hook-up. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.
This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we’ve believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.
This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.
So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a tee shirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hung over best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl. So don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they’re running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.
So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?) |
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| Double Snoring |
[Apr. 24th, 2005|06:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chariot - Garwin D. | ] |
Well my parents just left today to head back to the G-spot, and in a way, as much as I already miss them, I'm glad I wont have to deal with both of their snoring all night one more night. It was great though, they did my groceries for at least the next month haha. I'm thinking of going home for a while this week, but it's not for sure yet. I think being alone makes me feel homesick. I had like no problem in res cause plenty of people are around, but I am here like all by myself cause the people I live with are like never here. Ouch. Oh well, it will get some getting used to.
To conquer my loneliness, I gave Keith a call, so then we just took his van and went to the mall ... where we both nothing cause neither of us had brought money lol. Then we just hung out here, then went at his place where we talked interior designing haha. It was a great time lol. His appartment will definitely look awesome though when all the plans are complete.
Friday : went to the party at the clearing where we had a dying bonfire haha. But I must admit, it was a great time and I got the chance to meet tons of new Saint John people. And plus, I got to see Scott and James, whom I hadnt seen since like November ! Totally made my night. Luckily for me, being from Grand Falls, I know that it can get cold partying outside at night lol ... so I brought my mitts and hat along and people thought maybe I was exagerating at first, but they soon realized how much smarter I could be an hour later when they were freezing their asses off. Hey, we Grand Saulté do party in fields ! So I brought my knowledge of the fields over to the beach ... seemed to be a smart move haha. It was definitely a blast and I cannot wait till the next one !
Well Susan and Kady, and possibly Tasha, are coming over tonight, so gotsa get going and finish my laundry ! Lates, Lyds |
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| Girls Just Wanna Have Fun ! |
[Apr. 20th, 2005|09:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Collide - Howie Day | ] |
As summer is approchoaching, my life is starting to become more exciting ... or maybe it's me that just decided that I was getting bored and actually got my ass up and going and decided to make my summer one of the best ever. I must admit at first, I was kinda worried, cause I mean, I am the "new person that stayed here for the summer" and all my friends have their old friends comming and stuff, leaving me as the outcast. But really, dont think it'll be happening. It's only recently that I started realizing how many friends I actually had in Saint John lol. Not only have I been hanging out with my new Saint John "close" friends all year and that I doubt they'd ditch me, but I've made other Saint John friends who didnt even know those other Saint John people haha. Plus, Keith is living a street over, as well as Jeff, and there's some people that I know supposedly live close to where I am. Plus, Heather is staying here for the summer as well, only she'll be staying in residence, but she's in the same boat as me, so that makes 2 of us, therefore us hanging out together lol. Plus, I cannot forget about all my Quispamsis and Rothesay friends haha ... But I am definitely looking forward to meet all the ones that went away this winter and get to know them better considering I already know some of them. As I figured that only I can decide to either mop around or decide to have blast, this summer will definitely be promising !
Since it is the end of the year, and some people are leaving, we decided to have a girl's night out. Tis was pretty fun, and we sure had a blast. We were supposed to go to Keystone Kelly's, but they were closing when we got there, so we ended up going at Jungle Jim's. It was definitely fun, and Stacey and underground parking lots is definitely the definition of entertainment !
Standing : Shawna, Stacey, Kathlin, Sarah. Sitting : Lisa, and Me
Well me and Ryan broke up, cause I dont know, it just felt different. Felt like something wasnt there anymore and it was more like a friend thing than like a relationship. It was kinda awkward considering both of us knew, so yeah, we were just like, it's better if we break up and remain friends. I'm glad that there's like totally no hard feelings or anything, and I mean, we're still friends as in we still talk to each other and we did see each other Monday and he's helping me move on Friday, and we might hang out once in a while this summer, so yeah, definitely for the best !
Me being single, means me having tons of fun this summer at the beach ( yes there is plenty of beaches in Saint John, yay ! ) and being able to look at guys without feeling guilty haha. Also means that Lydia has to start trying to be pretty again haha. We'll see how that turns out ... and it reminded me that my sister always keeps saying that I should get my eyebrows waxed ... and then I realized, thank god that I never did, considering my super bad allergy to wax hahahahha. My legs were horrible, I wouldnt even go out in public if my eyebrows would look like that haha.
I was thinking about it, and my journal being public cause some of my friends not having accounts, this means that totally anyone can read it. Meaning that as much as I love putting in entries, I do have to be careful about what I say about who lol. Um this could turn into something potentially dangerous ... haha. Anyways, gotsa go get some Math help, then interviews !!!
Lates, Lyds |
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| A Day at the Driving Range |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|07:42 pm] |
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Well this is actually pretty cool, cause for the first time of my life, I actually decided to actually try to put pictures on this thing lol. Thanks to Ryan ( K.) it did not take me five hours to learn lol. This is pretty bad, I've just been procrastinating all day for Psyc, exam is tomorrow night ... dont wanna leave all the studying to tomorrow, but today was a super nice day and I just couldnt help but stay outside lol. Me, Sarah, Troy and Christin went to the Driving Range today ... tis was a good time lol. Christin being the pro, Troy being the Happy Girlmore type, and me and Sarah being the girls with the weak arms haha. But we were doing good ... by the end ... lol. Hopefully some pics are enclosed ... if it actually worked lol. Now that summer is here ( for me anyways considering uni is done in like less than a week ) I will definitely try to keep up writing in this journal to keep people entertained lol. Anyways, well I should really be studying some Psyc ... so gonna go for now ! Enjoy the pics if they're actually there lol.
Lyds
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| Jeremy's Questions |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|10:55 am] |
Hey,
I was just going through my friend's journal, see if they had gotten updated and i found this on jeremy's journal ... what a neat idea lol. only i dont know how to put a picture on there ... but i'm pretty sure someone can help me out on this haha ... anyways here's jeremy's entry :
It Can't Rain Every Day
[01] Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
[02] I will then tell what song(s) remind me of you.
[03] Next, I will tell you what concept or inanimate object you remind me of.
[04] Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you. Then I'll google that word and post a random picture of said word.
[05] Put this in your journal.
Feel free to respond, no matter who you are. ;) I have this feeling I'm going to have a lot of fun with this one.
- Jeremy
Now i hope you guys will actually try this lol ... anyways, later and take care !
lyds |
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| It's all about the J business |
[Jan. 27th, 2005|08:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cant wait to dance ! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Takin Back Sunday - New American Classic | ] |
Not too too much is happening these days ... basically the usual, such as tests, assignments, labs, the list goes on. ping pong with jeremy was fun today haha, i have to admit we were horrible at first but we were starting to have the touch by the end of it lol. we have agreed that more ping pong days are to come !
soccer last night was definitely a blast, although i must admit that even though i'm not good, i dont like ppl telling me to my face that i'm not good lol ... so i guess i was kinda insulted when zac said : oh i surprisingly had a good time, but it sucked that i couldnt shoot cause you missed all the shots ... sorry, but c'mon, it is called GIRLS SOCCER !!!!!! i thought we had done really good as a team and it was all about the fun and the spirit and totally not about winning. tis was a fun game, although i am freakin sore today hahha. i am so not in shape hahaha ....
semi formal tomorrow night !!! still have no date, but that is no worries lol. if i have to i will simply go by myself along with my friends. it's kinda too bad that james cant get in though :(. next year haha ! me and jiajia went shopping for shoes and skirts ... god knows how this outfit will turn out like !! should be interesting lol ! gotta find someone to do my hair ... and the whole shabam, sucks.
anyways, OC is on tonight so gotta finish everything before it comes on ... later all,
lyds |
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| Psyc Marathon #2 |
[Jan. 24th, 2005|11:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Gotta love psyc ! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | since you've been gone - kelly clarkson | ] |
Well since i havent written here in like always i figured i'd write a couple of lines ... many things have changed since last time i wrote ... it will be to come soon. i have a big psyc test tomorrow, which i must study for lol, so it will have to wait till the next time. university is treating me all right though, gonna have to make another trip to freddy soon though, as i dearly miss my friends from there. parents were down this weekend, tis was a fun time except that they had to leave early cause of the storm ... 3 storms in one week = unbelievable ! a week ago, we could still see grass ! anyways, psyc is screaming my name ... talk to you all later ! take care !
lydia |
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| Here Starts a New Chapter of my Life ... |
[Nov. 19th, 2004|07:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bonjour la police - RBO | ] |
Well, it's friday night and i dont know why, but i decided not to go out cause i guess i'm kinda pooped from the hard work and all the assignments that were due this week. i was planning to just get started on next week's, but my heart's not for it lol. so i figured that part of the entry that was suppose to be posted for christmas could probably go in there now. it's kinda odd, i was just looking at my scrapbook today and it felt really odd just seeing all the people from JCS, and it just kinda made me wonder how most of them are doing and stuff. i'm already looking forward to the 10 year reunion lol, probably because i dont see any of them, unlike the freddy ppl, who see each other quite often. but there are a lot of new people in my life, which i have a little paragraph ( some longer ones ) for everyone of them ... well maybe not everyone but mostly everyone. so lets start :
mike : i must say that he is definitely one of my best friends from here. since he lives just across the hall and he's in most of my classes, we definitely spend a lot of time together and we've definitely developed a great friendship and a really strong one. we have what we call our "late night" talks, which usually takes place anytime after 11 and we just sorta let it out on what might have happened during the day and love life ( mine anyways ) and the upcomming events, and basically give each other opinions on certain situation. like i must admit that mike's opinion is one of the first one i'd take, considering that i know he wouldnt lie to me and i can expect him to be honest. times with mike are definitely some that i will cherish for the rest of my life and memories that i will keep close at heart.
zac : one thing i can say, zac will be zac ! and if you hear someone saying fuck a lot comming towards you, well here comes zac lol. he's definitely a good friend, like he always has been since the beginning and since the summer, and you're always in for a good laugh when he's around. if you ever meet him, remember to ask him about the gorilla porn ! zac is sorta like mike, but in a different way ... we just like being idiots together basically and do crazy stuff. he's funny to party with and there's a lot of lyds and zac moments lol all the time. and we wont get started about his room ... LOL !
lisa : my woman from BC, and wherever we are, it's where it's at lol. some more crazy moments are always to be had with lisa, and she's definitely one of my best "girl" friends lol. it's great because me and her have a lot in common and we have the sense kind of humor. she is for sure the smartest person i know, other than heather. but she's a hard worker plus being smart ... i'm kinda sad that she's thinking of moving back to BC for next year, but i mean, i totally understand, her having her boyfriend over there and stuff. but we have already planned a trip to BC for me lol ... plus, i really have to get my ass over there to see the "nice" roads compare to here lol and the "mountains" which we supposedly dont have here lol. i find it's kinda funny that the coldest it's ever been over there is -15 while here you can expect -40. she is definitely proud of her winter jacket lol.
sarah : she is one of my other good friends who i hang out with once in a while. she is always known as chevy, and she definitely loves her country lol. but it's great fun hanging out with her and watching chick flicks at 3 in the morning to come back to my room to realize that i'm locked out and i need to call an RA. i think she's anxious for me and lisa to turn 19 to hit the bars with her lol. but yeah, sarah just reminds me of mia : she says whatever is on her mind and has that exact same attitude lol. she is really opiniated and doesnt stop herself at what other people think which i kinda admire about her. she's another great one to have in our study groups, she's great to talk to.
brent : a.k.a HOT BRENT ! a lot is to be said about brent ... but only i do not know where to start. i have been after the guy since september and to this day, he still doesnt have a sweet clue that i like him. and it's not like i've never told him or something, because it is totally obvious. and i've told him before, but he keeps saying that i'm joking and that i dont mean it. i couldnt make it more clear to him that i am definitely interested. some people say that he might be interested but because he's never had a girlfriend and stuff that he's unsure about the whole situation but i really dont know. and like mike's said, you never know with brent. at this point, it feels like it's taken so long that i'm no longer sure what i want. i'm thinking maybe i should tell him seriously straight to his face that i like him but part of me tells me that i should just move on and forget about it. which i am doing right now i guess. too bad, brent's loss ... but he is for sure pure hotness and he is the most handsom guy in the building, probably the whole city.
phil : another one of my good friends for sure ! me and phil spend a lot of time together and we always have a lot of fun, probably because i dont mind being an idiot around him and it just feels like we've been friends since the age of 3. he's just one of those guys that you can do whatever and he wont care. it's kinda odd, cause it's just as if we have a sister/brother friendship, cause it seriously feels just as if he'd be my brother or something. he always picks on me just for the fun of it and not to be mean or anything and plus i know he's always joking ... plus, he's the one that came up with the nickname clim lol ... gotta thank him for that one hahahha ! phil's girlfriend, mollie, isnt the happiest about this friendship and she really hates me but i think she's starting to realize that i'm not the least bit after phil, so yeah ... and i havent heard much about her the last few days so i'm assuming that her and phil are currently on good terms; currently being the key word.
hershy : lol hershy is a sweetheart ! i love spending time with hersh, probably because we share a lot of the same opinions and we always have our spaghetti nights and stuff. he's a really sensitive guy and it's great to spend quality time with him haha. and i definitely love hersh because he's brown hahha ! that's his excuse for everything lol ... ya just gotta love hersh. and he knows he's always welcome at 3 in the morning for toasts when he's drunk lol. me, hersh and brent have a lot of good times, like that night we watched cruel intentions at 2 in the morning instead of studying or sleeping for the next day's midterm haha. i have to come up with something good to get him for xmas ...
laura & lindsay : my next door ladies. we've actually only started to hang out a couple weeks ago but they're great to hang out with. and well, lindsay's not in age either to go to the bars so when they all leave at 11 to go out, well lindsay and lisa are always there so we always make the best out of it ! it was the best halloween party with them and we wont get into laura's bday ....
shawna : she is one of my really good friends although i have to spend my time sharing her with brian lol ... but brian's a really good friend too so it's all good ! me and shawna always go in HHLT to play some piano and just sing ... well me playing piano and her singing cause i really cannot sing for shit. along with lisa, shawna is one of the pilates girl lol. talk about fun right there lol ... pilates !!! shawna got me hardcore into it lol, it's the best ever.
josh o. : another one of my good friends that i cannot forget. as odd as it is, josh totally just reminds me of jeremy. they even sorta look alike, minus the curly hair on josh and add glasses on jeremy lol. same sense of humor, both like the same music, the list goes on. and i must admit, josh is really smart ! i always have a blast whenever josh is around and it's great working with him on the yearbook. gotta love his articles in the paper !
kady : i just cant help but smile when i think of her lol. she always makes me laugh, and i dont know why because it's not as if she's always trying to be funny or anything. she's awesome to hang out with and there will definitely be more skating days and boys from the res nights which are to begin soon ! and she will definitely learn how to latin dance hahaha ! her being the yearbook editor, this committee is definitely promising and full of fun while still getting everything done on time and stuff.
jeff : to be continued for now ...
there is tons of other people i could mention, of the few more like : johnny, josh s. ( love at first sight hahaha ), katie, sean, dee, patty, sarah, sarge, keith, jill, jess, fox, ryan, cassandra, kathlin, stacey, trisha, melissa, naomi, becky, and man, the list goes on forever. but i am totally enjoying my time here at UNBSJ and i think really that it's the people that make it better than ever. they're just like family. school's going pretty ok, except for math being the most brutal subject ever. hopefully i will do fine on the exams ! anyways ... more to come !
lyds |
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| It's been a while ... |
[Nov. 5th, 2004|12:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Live a Lie - Default | ] |
Hey well i havent been updating this thing much ever since i've gotten here but homework and midterms just keep on pilling up and it's endless. just a little note to mention that i'm still alive and i still love you all ! come back in december, there should be an interesting long story awaiting to be told. take care |
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| University is AWESOME ! |
[Sep. 10th, 2004|02:29 pm] |
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it has been a while since i havent updated my journal but university is keeping me more than busy at the moment. plus swimming and all the crazy buses and the crazy food and activities ! the list is just endless. i must say that even though there's gonna be a lot of work, my classes are the best and my profs are pretty awesome ... especially the math guy lol, who waits till everyone is done writing until he starts explaining. it's probably my only scribbler in which i can actually read everything that i've written in it lol. i've met so many ppl and made a lot of friends and i mean, saint john couldnt be any better of a place to move at. the ppl are awesomely friendly too and i'm getting along with everyone on the swim team, which is super awesome. there's a couple things that like sure, i would change ( for instance the shower lol and ppl around here know the story of the "shower" lol plus they all know that it is pretty small, making it even super more awful. the second,third and fouth year are right awesome, they dont even treat us like first years actually. in a way it's crappy, but in the other way it's fun that i ended up being on the party floor of the residence ... funniest thing is that it's in the R.A.'s room where the party's at every night lol ... so we cant really go and complain to the R.A. that someone has music too loud and he couldnt give them a fine lol because i'm pretty sure he wouldnt give himself a fine lol. but troy is pretty awesome with his suits so not many ppl mind lol. and coin ( whatever how you write his name lol ) ... lol coin is another story lol. him and his steak LOL ... it's the best ever although i think he made fish last night because it stank like fish really bad hahha. but coin's still awesome haha. emac ( ian ) is quite a number too lol although not as obvious as coin ... as often not as drunk as coin lol. the ppl are just great ! lol as for my love life, i dont have a lineup like zac had predicted lol. so i'm just presuming no one's really interested lol although if they are, they're just now showing their interest lol. anyways, we're gonna have to see the results haha. |
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| It's all about the math ! |
[Sep. 3rd, 2004|11:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden | ] |
well sam just left a while ago; we have been studying math all night for our math placement test which is taking place on tuesday. and before that, we went to do groceries ... i must admit, it was actually tons of fun ! my first own grocery shopping ... although half the stuff i didnt want to buy so i'm sending my dad tomorrow to go and buy it for me lol. i'm bad. and spoiled ! i've basically been doing nothing like all day, all week for that matter really lol. although i went shopping yesterday for all my university stuff and god is it ever SO expensive ! i mean, i did spend over 350$ in one single afternoon. and i wasnt just wasting my money either, considering there are plenty of things i had to buy like towels, soap, envelopes ... dumb stuff that just seems to be always lying around the house. this is crazy lol, i am leaving in 2 days !!!!! it's going by SO fast.
since i had done TONS of shopping yesterday, my legs were the sorrest ever last night lol. so before watching big brother, having to watch it at 12 because i missed it at 9, cause i was in edmunston visiting my mom, i decided to take a nice long bath lol with my favorite bubble bath. the fact that i dont have a bathtub in my suite/appartment makes me so sad lol ... i LOVE baths. probably considering this was one of the last times i'd take a bath and not a shower in a while lol, it felt pretty special lol ... plus, the word "sensual" should really be written over that bottle of bubblebath considering when you get out, it feels like you'd just had one of those sensual massage with that special oil lol. only it's too bad i didnt have a guy to actually give me the massage lol ... i would have slept like a baby haha. i wish hehe ... LOL ok enough about bathtubs !!!!
well my mom's getting better, so i'm happy about that. she wont be around to help me move, but in a way, i prefer it that way considering that moving would take a lot out of her, and i dont think she's either mentally or physically in shape for it. so she's gonna come down the weekend of my bday and it's already gonna be all set up ... but it's to know whether or not it's still gonna be clean lol.
as for the love life well ... some people fall in love, but i just had to crash into it. and crash really hard hahaha ... anyways, we'll see what happens with that lol.
i must get going so ttyl and take care ... ps. what's with the cold weather ? |
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| All she wrote ... |
[Aug. 31st, 2004|11:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | All She Wrote - Default | ] |
my shirt ended up comming out extremely well ... it must be the coolest shirt i own lol. zach was right, who knows, maybe one of these days i might start my own tie dye company lol. the only sucky thing though it seems like my shirt got bigger ... hopefully by putting it in the dryer it's gonna fix that problem lol. but i still have to wait a week before washing it, so looks like i'm gonna have to wait a week lol.
i'm actually totally anxious to go to university, just to meet all the new people and make new friends, have a different environment and stuff. although being on my own kinda does feel scary, especially when i think that when i'll be sick in the middle of the night, i wont be able to yell to my dad that i dont feel good lol ... and i dont expect sam to actually get up in the middle of the night to take care of me lol. although since i've never moved before or anything, it's probably gonna be odd to try to make new friends and stuff. as for guys, well i dont know, we'll have to see when i get there. i'm not the kind of person to actually go after a guy lol unless i do it discretly haha so we're just gonna have to wait and see if any guy comes after me lol, whether it's discretly or not lol. sometimes though, i tell myself that maybe i shouldnt get a boyfriend or something, because like it makes me feel guilty about my mom, it's not really something i'd want to drag someone into and make go through. something that scares me would be like getting married and then turning into something like my mom, i mean, it's not something i'd want to make someone go through either lol !!! but i'm not stopping myself on this, especially when big chances are that i'm not gonna end up being like my mom, being raised by my dad and his family instead of her. plus, i didnt have the childhood she had so like i said, big chances are that i'm not gonna turn out like her so i dont wanna be waisting my time, or my life that is, for a thought like that. although it's in the back of my mind once in a while ( it's really actually not something i think about much considering it might not happen ) and i'm not gonna let it get to me.
it might seem like my mom's illness seems to make me depress at times, but it's totally not true. like i was taught by my dad, no matter what happens, life goes on and we have to keep moving with it, which is why like i've said many times, i just dont let it get to me. like everyone else, i have my bad and good days but i always try my best to keep a positive atttitude, which seems to be most important to me at the moment. by not letting it get to me doesnt mean i dont care though. i mean like sure i care, but at this point, it just feels like i've done everything i can and still plan on doing so. nothing else we can do really ...
it's all for today, gtg make lunch for my dad ... ! |
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| Still packing .... |
[Aug. 29th, 2004|03:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ordinary - train | ] |
not much as really been happening these last few days except that i am now done work for good and it feels like i have been packing for like, ever ! it looks like i have SO much but really, it's probably just because i'm the one bringing the main appliances like the toaster oven and the hamper/laundry baskets, you name it ! plus, we have to consider all the cleaning stuff that comes with having a suite/appartement lol and it ends up to being A LOT.
my mom came home thursday, having gotten the "privilege" of comming home for the weekend, earning it by being a good girl and getting better. well i must say, it was the baddest idea the doctors ever had. ends up she didnt feel good all weekend and she was always just sleeping or she was always sick and never felt like doing anything. worse came yesterday ( saturday ) when it was time to go to spring water. she just totally refused to go and my dad wasnt gonna let her win this time considering it was super nice out and she always seems to be standing in the way of his plans to enjoy his weekend. the previous night they had gone to my dad's friend's camp and they had fun and the next day she just felt like sleeping because she was saying she wasnt feeling good. so my dad proposed that she could sleep at the camper. and then she started accusing him of not taking her feelings into consideration and she broke down crying, throwing a big fit as if in the middle of some big crisis or something. anyways she started crying yelling she wanted to go back to the hospital. like i understand my mom not feeling good and stuff, but what was the diffence between sleeping here or at the camper ? plus, she just cant seem to make any effort in anything and she just does basically what she feels like doing. my dad's always doing his best but it never seems good enough and he never even gets mad at her. anyways, it ended up that we drove her back to the hospital all the way to edmunston and then we went at the camper. so basically she left a day earlier since she was only supposed to leave today. i thought it was kinda retarded but meh ... what was a day gonna change really. it kinda worries me though that she's no longer working meaning no money is comming in and well, i am leaving for university and like, i need money ! i might just end up giving up swimming for this year, unless i can work something out with the coach. but like always, i'm not gonna let it get to me and life goes on and gotta keep positive.
on a more positive note, well we sure had fun at spring water lol. i decided to go and get my grandma so she's sleep over with us. since my uncle/aunt have a camper there too, we met there and me, my sister and cousins always have the craziest times ever. i tye-died a shirt hoping it's gonna come out well ... by mistake, i had bleached it without noticing the " do not bleach " warning on the tag lol and the white shirt became the color of pissy yellow. since i had paid like 70$ for the shirt, i wasnt willing to throw it out so i decided to at least try to dye it and see the outcome and go from there. the rest of the evening my uncle, dad and grandma told us stories about when they'd go pick potatoes ... crazy stories lol. me and my sister kinda ended up not sleeping all night lol, because my dad was snoring like crazy ! then this morning we all ate breakfast at the restaurant then came here.
so much more still needs to be said but i am running out of time so i'm gonna have to keep it for the next time ... later ! |
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| SSSSS Ccclllluuubbbbb !!!!!!! |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|09:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
I am actually more than relieved that i have the day off tomorrow ! i actually have to finish packing, considering i hadnt thought about packing my stuff to put around my room such as my cd's, tv, stereo, you name it ! moving is exhausting although i just still cannot wait ! by the way, i am feeling way better today although i kinda ate like WAY too fast and really not healthy for supper ( rice with mushroom, sausage, chips, bagel bites, and a chocolate bar !! ) and my stomach isnt too happy with my choice of food. and omg big brother is on tonight i just cannot wait to see what will happen !
the more the days go by, the more i realize i will dearly miss my sister lol. tonight, since my dad was gone to see my mom, we decided to go a bit crazy and we took our old cd's out. old as in, the first britney spears cd as well as s club 7 lol. you must all remember the little s club song ... it is to the point that me and my sister even remember the dance that went with it lol. how crazier it can get i actually do not know !
another thing that i do have to admit i'll miss is work. like so many people just cant wait to get another job and never come back while i'm more looking forward to a vacation and then i would actually come back and be happy to come back. it's not that i dont like the job, it's just that at the moment it feels like i need a break ... but with university and such, it'd be basically impossible to continue working there. as for what i was saying before, the others who just cannot wait to get out of there asap, well apparently there has been this fight that's been going on for like the entire time i was there and i've never noticed it nor heard about it until this weekend lol. maybe because i let most of the stuff that happens there fly over my head without paying much attention to it, i never really freaked about it or just didnt let it get to me. and now that i think of it, considering that i've never actually taken any sides over that fight or never paid much attention to any of it, that's maybe why i liked this job so much and wouldnt mind going back.
zac is supposed to come see me at work this friday and i'm totally anxious to see him considering i havent seen him since early may. plus, friday is my last day at work so it'll be an extra to have zac come visit me lol. and andrew's supposed to call me tomorrow morning cause he wasnt there tonight but me and his mom talked for a bit. i hadnt talked to her in like the longest time ever lol. and well i suggested to scott that he should come up to grand falls with me some weekend i'm comming up considering he's never been here and he actually said yes haha ... i hope he'll keep his word because as odd as it may seem, scott comming here means a lot to me ( although i do not know the exact reason ... ) i actually really miss scott. i havent seen him in over 2 years probably even more so ... most of you guys are probably thinking at the moment, omg where is she going with all these guys lol ? but that's totally not it at all considering they're simply all good friends that are very dear to me. as for my actual love life, i've been single for longer than i've probably ever been lol and as odd as it might sound, i really dont mind it and totally ok with it. it feels great and even though a couple of weeks ago i was saying i was ready to have a new bf, i dont really think i was ... cause now it actually feels like i really am ready with the maturity this time and my brain in working function lol.
i was thinking about it, and i realized my bday will be when i'll be in university lol ... i'm hoping that something special will happen; i do not know why but turning 18 seems like a big deal. i've never really had that thing about feeling special on my bday. i mean, it always felt like any other day without really anything special happening except maybe hanging out with family and my wild parties of high school and junior high lol. but when i think about it, it wasnt really ever based on making me feel special but maybe more about having fun and having the party of the year lol. this probably makes me sound selfish but oh well lol ...
well big brother is gonna be on pretty soon, catch you all later. |
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| Moving !!!! |
[Aug. 23rd, 2004|08:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the song from that cancer society commercial | ] |
I helped my cousins to move on saturday and let me tell you, i just cannot wait to move ! seeing them getting settle in in their new appartment just made me want even more to move and stuff ... that night when i got home, i packed like majorly everything ! i am currently living with my sister's clothes lol because mine all are packed. in a way though, i'm kinda happy i'll only be moving on the 6th, even though i am sad about missing frosh week, because it will give me an entire week to do basically f*ck all with a paycheck of over 600$ !
i've been sick the last couple of days so i might actually go to the hospital tomorrow and get some tests done ... although i am feeling better. but i have a really upset stomach which is really bothering me so ... but last time i had to go for x rays for stomach stuff, they made me drink this chalkie drink and it was the most discusting thing ever ... especially considering you werent aloud to throw it up, until the end of the exam that is. so i would rather tuff it out and skip the gross exam. anyways ...
my love life is getting more and more complicated as the days go by ... i've just learned last night that jeff moved to saint john over the summer. the entire time i thought he had meant saint john'S newfoundland lol. dumb ass god ! we had this big thing going on last year and if it wouldnt have been of the distance, we would have gotten together. so i dont really know what's gonna be happening although we have agreed to hang out. we'll see from there. me and justin are just good buds and i love it just that way; he's a really good friend to have fun, fun as in just friends fun, with. that other guy, who i cannot give out the name because he is more than likely reading this right now, is still on my mind but it's a lost cause; although i cant get myself to forget about him ! anyways, enough about the love life ...
my other computer still hasnt been fixed yet ... drives me up the wall ! anywyas, gotta get going so ttyl !
p.s. - sabrina, sorry for the grammar and paragraphs !!! |
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| Interesting how things turn out ... |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|10:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sunrise - Simply Red | ] |
Me and justin actually had like a decent convo last night ... well not quite so decent, but it was more than just like hey, sup, that kinda thing. it all started when he said he had been attacked by some gazillions ants and it was like he was dancing or something and i was like, yeah you never did dance at prom lol even after your few drinks and he was like yeah, well takes me more than that to get me dancing. so i was like, well first thing i'll do in siant john is get you drunk and make you dance. then he was like, ok sounds like we have a deal lol. then i was like, yeah it could get dirty ... then it ALL started from there lol. finds out that he's a bit like me with a whole bunch of one night stands and friends with benefits just for fun. ends up we have more in common than we thought lol. so we just kinda agreed to be friends with benefits which really when i think about it, is fine with me ... except well if i get a boyfriends things might change ... but it was a hilarious convo. i just had to save it.
well i went to see my mom today, and well she's getting better, although really slowly i guess ... but at least it's for the best and not for the worse. anyways must get going ... |
|
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| The latest news ... |
[Aug. 18th, 2004|07:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Breaking our Habits - Linkin Park | ] |
So much actually happened in the last few days, only i cant really remember like everything cause it's been too long ! supposedly last saturday, my cash was missing like 20$, which meant, bad news for me because i had to pay it back ... only i couldnt figure out how i could be missing 20 bucks cause i've always been super careful ... ends up today that my boss came up to me to tell me that they had miscounted the cash and there was 20$ extra at the bank and i didnt own anything ! i was like, so relieved !
of course i've been watching olympics and omg, canada sucks at swimming this year ! but i still find it pretty exciting lol ... since i was off yesterday, well i got my new glasses and cleaned around the house, it was pretty boring i must admit. the night before i stayed with chase at work until like 12 and we talked and hung out with bragdon and this guy name dan that i met that night. i must admit he was pretty hot haha. i might be going to their show thursday, depending cause andrew wants me to go meet him in fredtown so we can hang out and visit music camp ppl.
bad news from the university ... i cant move before the 6 of sept. because the rooms arent gonna be ready .. CRAPINESS ! that will kinda suck, moving the day before classes start because it means i wont get to meet many people. plus, it means that anyone living outside of saint john will be basically missing frosh week. but i dont know, if all works out well, i'll stay at justin's place for the week and my parents are gonna be comming down that weekend with all my stuff ... and i have A LOT ! me and sam got together last night, first at his place and then at mine, to see what we're bringing and stuff like that. but i am really looking forward to all the good times and it should be promising lol ...
i havent had really any updates on the love life lol, since i havent really talked to justin these days except for last night but he got on too late so i was like frig that, i'm going to bed ... so i dont know ! although i am kinda interested in someone; but totally not bound to work out so i dont know, i should obviously move on lol and just wait till i get in saint john haha ... but god knows we'll see what will happen.
later, lyds |
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| All is well ... |
[Aug. 14th, 2004|06:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Forca - Nelly Furtado | ] |
Well, i'm glad to be able to say that i actually did get some sleep last night ! I am so relieved it's incredible. me and jeremy being friends, was something i wanted to accomplish before leaving for university, and it had been on my mind for a while because after all, he is a great friend, right hilarious with that too, and part of me missed that ( in the friend way ). like i know for sure we'll never get back together, but just the thought of us being friends makes me feel way better than us hating each other. as odd as it may seem, now it's as if i can really move on for good, there's no bad feelings or nothing stopping me and the bad memories is a book i can close. omg i feel like SO much better now. and it makes me look even more forward to university now that all is well !
I decided i wasnt gonna take the car to university after all because people would only be bugging me for rides all the time and it's gonna be expensive for nothing. plus, taking the bus to go everywhere will give me the big city life taste that i've been craving for a while lol. i must admit that even though i really want to move the 28, it gives me the creeps thinking that i'll be in an appartment all by myself ... i'm bringing a golf club just for in case !
The more i think about it, the more i realize i will miss dollarama. not necessarily the job itself, even though i really love the job, but mostly the people. me and kim are sure gonna keep in touch; we have been like best friends since kindergarten after all. me and her always have our crazy moments ! especially today, we were talking about nelly furtado and then diane came and she asked me, oh is that nelly furtado you're next date ?? and i was like what ? and she repeated it and me and kim just burst out laughing and then we told her it was a singer lol, female singer ! we laughed about it the whole day, it was right hilarious.
anyways gotta get going ... sister wants the phone to call her lover lol. |
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| Omg, I am almost shitting in my pants ! |
[Aug. 13th, 2004|11:32 pm] |
Ok, I know this is like my third entry for today, but I am litteraly shitting in my pants ... first, all these freakin weird dreams about jeremy. tonight, i sign on after i get back from work, and guess who i see online, after so many months of being blocked ? of course : jeremy !!!!!! i mean, how freakier can it get ? all of a sudden i'm having all these dreams about him and a couple days later, monsieur is online and actually having a decent conversation with me. like sorry la, but dreams really will scare me from now on. like what kinda of coincidence is this supposed to be ? either it really it coincidence or there is someone behind all this. number one suspect would be chase but he's the kind to mind his own business so i really dont know ... anyways, i will get to the bottom of this and i wont be sleeping tonight. if anyone has any suggestions or comments, please post a comment ! |
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| Zac is my hero ! |
[Aug. 13th, 2004|10:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | faint - linkin park | ] |
Well, those dreams were probably on my mind for about a day because Zac saved the day that night by explaining me how dreams worked lol. and it's nothing like me still liking jeremy or anything. anyways, i dont really feel like getting into that, too complicated and i couldnt be able to explain it really well. I have a feeling me and zac are gonna have a blast in university lol ... especially since we're taking the same courses. and gotta love fake id's lol ! talking about university, since i was really late signing up for my courses cause my computer was broken, i had to change almost my whole schedule because most of the classes were already full. but no worries, i changed it all around and tried to keep a positive attitude, thinking that i will only have to take psyc once a week instead of 3 times a week. i'm looking forward to it.
hahah funny incident that happened last night ... i broke my big toe on my right foot. i opened the fridge, and my dad had a 1.5 L budwiser on the side and anyways, it fell on my toe. anyways it was craziness cause it hurt so bad ! i also got my new glasses yesterday and they are right awesome !! i also went shoppng with my sister today and of course i got new clothes ... gotta start school in a dazzling style haha ! i got this awesome dress for clubin' haha. i saw patty tonight and we sure will have crazy times ... cannot wait !
later |
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